Sorry for not getting to this yesterday guys, but it was "End of the Month Madness" around here. Luckily, I hit my March goal and you'll be getting 2 posts from me today!
Last week, we were blessed to read a bit of Ericka Hostler's story about raising a child with Diverse Abilities. Today I want to take you to the other side:
Being a Parent with Diverse Abilities. There is so much that can be addressed around this topic, but I want to briefly share my personal experience.
I knew from an early age, like many girls, that I wanted to have a family. I didn't know, like many girls, what that truly entailed. I got married at a young age (3 weeks before my 21st birthday) and I knew I wasn't ready to have children then, but I began my research. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of information on my Diverse Ability, and even less on parenting with a Diverse Ability. I searched hard for parenting prep classes that would specifically address some of the issues people with Diverse Abilities may face, but couldn't find one. One of the many challenges with Diverse Abilities is that people may have the same ones, but they manifest differently in each person. This made finding a parent with similar limitations as me very difficult. In short, I mostly went into my family planning on my faith that God would take care of me!
In 2013, My husband and I had overcome many personal obstacles and had recently renewed our wedding vows. We were ready to add another member to our family. We had a few "pregnancy scares" throughout our marriage, so we were both unmoved by my suggestion of taking a pregnancy test early one morning. I wish I had a picture of my hubby's face when that test came out positive! I went on to take about 7 more tests to be sure :-) I immediately called my physician and went in for a blood test, which also came back positive. I was 5 weeks pregnant!
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| 6 months pregnant! |
I want to share my first issue I faced that reflects an attitude that many people in our society hold today. I had to go for my first exam with an OB/GYN and chose a top name hospital, thinking I'd receive the best care. After a painful exam, where I felt more like a science project, I was told I needed to meet with a social worker. A male social worker visited me about an hour later and asked that everyone leave the room (mom, husband, and home attendant). He proceeded to ask me questions about whether I actually wanted my baby, which he asked several times, and if I considered "alternative options." At the time, I didn't register what was going on, but my awesome mom knew as soon as she left the room. There was doubt from the hospital staff that a woman with my limitations could consent to sex, furthermore care for a child! SHAME ON THEM!!
There is a lot I could share about my pregnancy journey and I'd love to address ANY questions in the comments below, but I want to fast forward to the birth of my Little Bear, Xavier! He was born a month early and weighed 7 pounds and was the most beautiful baby ever :-) I have struggled a lot emotionally with him being an infant because my instinct is to care for him in ways that my Diverse Ability doesn't allow. It is hard to hear your baby cry and to have to ask someone else to rock him. It is sometimes painful to know your baby wants you to play with them with their toys, but to not be able to. Raising my son this last year has been hard for me, but it has also been the greatest blessing in my life so far! I've loved watching him grow into the little man he's become. He is now able to communicate his needs more and understand my communication, which has truly strengthened our bond.
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| Just born |
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| First solo pic |
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| First Birthday (with Grandma) |
I have written a lot already and could go on forever, but I want to open this up for Q & A. Please post ANY question you want an answer to and I'll do my best to answer. Consider sharing your own parenting stories too!
Mother's Day is just around the corner! Please consider getting your Mother's Day gift from my online boutique and supporting moms with Diverse Abilities today at http://bitly.com/DiversAble.
I loved reading about your journey to baby Bear! (I also really loved your pictures. Thanks for sharing!!) I feel like I've seen pictures of you baby wearing. Did you baby wear when Xavier was a newborn?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this! I'm debating whether to become a parent myself. What role does your home attendant play in helping you raise Xavier?
ReplyDeleteFrom what you have written about trying to become pregnant and raising Xavier ,I feel for you! As your toddler grows up it will be easier and he'll probably become your buddy and little helper.You're so blessed to have him and he's a lucky boy to have you as his mother! 💗
ReplyDeleteand he'll probably be your little helper!
Val, I did wear Xavier and still do :-) It really helped me feel like I could "carry" him. It's a little harder the heavier he gets, but soon he'll be able to hold on and ride on my lap!
ReplyDeleteMargie, parenthood is awesome! It obviously comes with challenges for everyone, especially those of us with Diverse Abilities, but it is one of my greatest accomplishments. I was actually able to get what is called a Homemaker. People often fear ACS because they're assiciated with taking people's kids away, but they're actually intended to help keep families together. Since I am unable to care for Xavier on my own, and it would be a lot on my hubby to care for both of us all the time, I was able to get a homemaker (a home attendant) who helps me out during the day.
Joanne, I remember going through this stage with my little sisters, but it is different now that Xavier is my child. As people tell me to run from him being a toddler, I await it with excitement :-)