MandiBox Beauty

As I celebrated my 10 year wedding anniversary today, my mind kept wandering to the "Find Your Beautiful" Chapel. If you visit the Chapel , the first picture you'll see is of a beach wedding setup. I searched for a long time for the perfect picture of a church, cathedral, temple and chapel to use, but nothing felt right. I prayed because I believe God really cares about me, about this project. I felt led to look for wedding pictures because my hope is to use the Chapel to marry believers with a community of supporters and non-believers to a place where they will find their Beautiful if they truly seek it. Believers will fully understand the metaphor of marriage in relation to Christ and the church. For all those who don't, I pray you'll return to the Chapel to learn about His love. It is as romantic, Beautiful, and passionate as many women crave from their marriages. His love is also as strong, loyal, just, and patient as many men desire from their marriages. I ...

My decision on this has been like a seasaw, going up and down. I can't run away from who I am at my core, and being a woman who believes in and wholeheartedly loves Jesus is central to my life. Oh, the countless reasons I can share why I believe, the miracles, the spiritual encounters, but none of this will make you believe. Faith is an interesting catch-22; you have to have faith to experience God, but many have to experience God to have faith. So, I decided to create the "Find Your Beautiful" Camp Chapel as a place where you can stop the crazy catch-22 cycle and truly come as you are. Whether you are a believer or not, there will be something special for you at the Chapel. From Art and Dance, to a War Room and Devotionals, you will have something to contribute and receive. There will even be a place for you to share your doubts and disbelief. I believe this is all part of finding your Beautiful. The best thing about the Chapel, besides the awesomeness being built wi...

I've gotten a lot of questions from people wanting to know what exactly "Find Your Beautiful" Camp is. Despite reworking the mission and vision, this is still difficult to really explain. However, I'll do my best here! Beautiful is a word many people have tried to define and redefine. The one thing that is common among all the companies and organizations that are giving beauty a definition is that they keep trying a "one size fits all" model. No matter how much "diversity" they include, it's still presented as a concept that people should strive for, always leaving room for failure (you fail if you don't buy the product, join the business, subscribe, etc). Through "Find Your Beautiful" Camp, I'm aiming to break this not so Beautiful, in fact downright ugly, model. "Find Your Beautiful" Camp is based on the principle that Beauty is a perception that one must create and see for themselves. It is a state of b...

Yes, I'm back...again. The success this blog may one day see will truly be hard earned. Only God can truly start with nothing and create beauty in one-shot. For the rest of us, creating beautiful things is a process. I learned some time ago not to make promises about this blog. I have always had huge visions and hopes for it, but better to surprise than disappoint you. So, I leave any who read this with a little glimmer of what I dream this new effort to bring:

"I feel empty. I'm empty in every way!" I'll never forget shouting these words at my husband through a flood of tears as he did his best to comfort me. I was inconsolable. As I look back at those nights without my HunnyBee, I feel a twinge of shame and guilt. As a person of faith, who really believes there is an almighty God who loves me, I rarely reflected that during those days. I had so many emotions, but was mostly filled with fear, hurt, and anger. I'll admit that I felt a lot of guilt, which manifested as anger with myself. How could I be so selfish to bring another baby in this world knowing my body doesn't handle pregnancy well? Did I jinx things because I prayed for my last trimester pregnancy pains to end quickly? I managed to make the situation my fault. I pumped every night so I could bring my baby breastmilk. I felt like it was the least I could do for him. My husband and I woke up every 3 hours, though neither of us were ever really sleeping. I...

Tomorrow marks 1 month since my HunnyBee made his arrival and those 10 long days in the NICU almost seem like a lifetime ago. However, I promised to share, especially because I want to encourage DiversAble Models out there to be fighters and to always do what you know is best. 2 hours after my boy was born and we had just been transferred to our recovery room, the nurse came in to check my vitals. I was in pretty stable condition. At 35 weeks gestation, the hospital checks things on babies they normally don't check for, thank God. In the delivery room, HunnyBee's sugar level was tested and was at 38. I didn't know how to interpret this number at the time, but I was encouraged to breastfeed him as soon as I could. I tried, but because breastfeeding is quite the mission for me (another post for another time), I wasn't very successful. Back in the recovery room, my boy's sugar had gone from 38 to 24 and I saw the nurse race to get one of the doctors. His face looked ...

The last month or so has been a whirlwind, filled with tears...joy, pain, sadness, and many emotions in between. If you've been following my Facebook posts, you've been on the journey with me, but when I started writing about my pregnancy, I really wanted to focus on the uniqueness of having a baby as a person with Diverse Abilities. This post is intended to get back to that focus, which obviously includes the emotion, but can't ignore the more practical things. At 32 weeks and 5 days gestation, I had a regular appointment scheduled with my high risk OB/GYN. That morning I woke up not feeling well and had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for over a week. That all to familiar heavy feeling in my pelvis, the one that caused me hip pain that never went away during my first pregnancy, was back with a vengeance. I went to my appointment and she decided to do an internal pelvic exam. I was only 1 cm dilated, but the baby's head was a bit low and my doctor felt I shoul...

When will he arrive?? We're taking your very best guess! As many of you may know, I went into pre-labor a few weeks ago, but doctors were able to give me several medications to slow things down. Since being released from the hospital, I have had contractions about every hour! This is apparently not considered labor yet, so I've been hanging in, trying to rest, and trying not to cave into this cabin fever craze. Upon leaving the hospital, I was 2-3cm dilated and 80% effaced (sorry if that's TMI). Today I visited my OB/GYN and she did an exam. If it were up to her, she would have re-admitted me today as I am now close to 4cm dilated and at 0 station (meaning HunnyBee has settled into my pelvis and will soon start his descent). I requested to return home and promised to get myself to the hospital as soon as my contractions are 15 minutes apart (much lengthier time than most women, but the drs need the time to get me prepped). Though she scheduled me for another appoint...

It's been a while since I posted here, especially with a baby update, but I'm finally sneaking in a few minutes! Believe it or not, I'm well into my 3rd trimester. I'll be 32 weeks in just a few hours and I'm definitely feeling it. There have been quite a few obstacles along the way. My veins are worse than that of an infant! I've had doctors who have been in the business for years poke and prod with no success. Any medical professionals reading this may be thinking, "I'm a pediatric nurse. I could totally get blood from you." However, many have tried, multiple times, and have failed. I travel on a train about 30-45 minutes to get to the one clinic where the one nurse who can draw my blood works. I've had to go back and forth between my high-risk OB and my primary care physician's office to find out what tests need to be done, then to draw the blood for said tests. I'm very blessed to say that all my test results have been clean!! H...

I know, I know. Everyone wants a baby update...maybe a few more ultrasound pictures? I promise all that mushy gushy stuff is coming. However, I must once again depart from a baby update to share something I'm very passionate about. Please do not mistake this for a political post. It isn't! I made the decision early on not to get involved in the talk. This is not because I don't care. I understand decisions are being made that personally affect me and my family. It's not because I have nothing to say. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm quite opinionated. I made the decision not to get caught up in the talk because I genuinely believe actions speak louder than words. I've chosen to continue living my life daily in a way in which my actions positively impact lives. When you bring together all the positive imprints on someone's life, that leads to real change, to transformation! If you follow my social media, I shared a video earlier today that explained "T...

There are updates I want to share, like Ezra's nursery theme, but as this is my last post for 2016, I prayed about sharing something a bit more impactful. Today my Chloe + Isabel team leader shared a story I found to be very thought provoking and empowering. As I pondered this story I'm about to share, I kept hearing this "small voice" telling me to think deeper about it. Here is the story: Two physicians late in years...we'll call them Charles + Isadore, old friends from medical school, were visiting at Charles house one winter evening. Isadore had retired several years prior. Charles was still treating patients.  As they were catching up, Isadore asked Charles how he could still be working  after all these years. Charles asked Isadore to try and blow out the candle on the table. Isadore did this with minimal effort. Charles then asked Isadore to blow out the fire in the fireplace. Isadore laughed, tried, but of course could not. Charles said to Isadore......

It's been a few weeks since I last posted and much has happened. At 22 weeks I'm definitely showing and had my anatomy scan ultrasound. My HunnyBee's movements are getting stronger and more frequent, particularly in the evenings! If you've been following me on social media, you may have seen my Facebook Live video, where I announced we are having our second boy. He will be named Ezra... Before I move on with sharing details of why we chose Ezra as our HunnyBee's name, I need to share a confession. As I looked through this blog, I was re-inspired by the transparent stories of all the DiversAble Models on here and I remember committing to be just as open and honest with my own story. That said, I have to admit I felt a twinge of disappointment that I'm not having a girl. Then I felt extreme guilt for feeling this way! I have so many friends who would give anything to just have a healthy baby, yet here I was feeling disappointment that I'm having a boy. I pra...

I haven't posted an update in a few weeks, which always means life is just too hectic. In the midst of this crazy election, I'm reminded that my God is sovereign and I appreciate the miracles I get to experience each day. Last week, I heard my HunnyBee's heart beat for the first time. Strong and fast, in the 130s! In some ways, this pregnancy has been easier than my Little Bear's, but in others it has been more difficult. The body pains I felt at the 6-7 month mark with Little Bear are back with a vengeance at just over 4 months. Though I have some of my energy back, I find myself still very exhausted a lot of the time. Most of my nausea has passed, though it kicks up in waves. Overall, this is what my doctor calls the "coasting" phase. This will be the easiest part of my pregnancy! On another note, I will not post my thoughts and feelings about the turnout of this election. As a believer, I have love and compassion for all sides. We can't go forth i...

Almost 13 weeks in and I'm already feeling little flutters of my baby moving! In my first pregnancy, I didn't feel these flutters until about 18 weeks, but they are definitely there now. My body is very sensitive so I'm not surprised that I'm feeling movement earlier (most second time moms do!). I'm actually excited because those kicks and wiggles, which can become uncomfortable later, are a beautiful reminder that my baby is ok. I have sparingly taken my nausea medicine (only twice since I got the prescription), and it definitely helps. I am starting to get a bit of my appetite back, though I have no crazy cravings to share yet. This weekend's major adventure is going to be dress shopping with my ever growing baby bump. I have a big fundraising gala to attend next week and need a dress. I'm loving the new jewelry I got from Chloe + Isabel. I'm loving the Confident Curves options from my La Senorita Jolie business, so I'm going to start there. ...

Yesterday was the big day! I got my first ultrasound and feel very relieved that everything seems to be going just fine with my HunnyBee. In fact, I found out I'm almost a week further along than we all thought, based on my baby's development. Sunday I will officially be 3 months, the completion of my first trimester. As for my nausea and vomiting, I've been having good and bad days. Unfortunately, after throwing up mints after trying to control my nausea last week, they no longer soothe my belly. My doctor did prescribe me meds to help control my sickness, but I think I'm going to try and hold out just a bit longer. I know everyone really wants to know the baby's sex, including my husband and myself. I did ask during the ultrasound and got mixed messages. I will hopefully know after my next appointment, which is a month away, haha! In the meantime, we'd love you to comment your guess!! Ok, the moment you've been waiting for: #HunnyBee at 11 wks 4 d...

Earlier this week I heard on the news that women who experience nausea during pregnancy are less likely to have a miscarriage or give birth to a stillborn child. I think I mentioned in one of my posts that I know this "suffering" is a blessing. I know so many women battling to have children, so I am blessed. It doesn't make this discomfort any easier though. Some days have been better than others this week, but the rising hormones are definitely impacting me. I've been taking naps in the early evening and trying to eat small frequent meals. I've switched from Tic Tacs to Altoids since Altoids are sugar free. Oatmeal also seems to soothe my belly for a little while. This week I'll get my first ultrasound on Thursday and I'm super excited! I'm pretty sure it's still too early to determine the baby's sex, but I'm looking forward to hearing its heartbeat. Next week's update will include the ultrasound image!             ...

9 weeks has brought about the discovery of Tic Tacs! The white peppermint candies are the only things that have been able to calm my nausea. A few friends have suggested Preggie Pops, which I'm hoping to get my hands on this weekend. My latest routine has included feeling sick all day, but actually throwing up at night :-/ In 2 weeks, I'll go to my doctor to see my HunnyBee for the very first time on an ultrasound. Although I have faith that everything is just fine, there's always a little worry. Seeing my baby and hearing everything is fine will really put my spirit at ease. The other big symptom I'm struggling with is fatigue. I just have very little energy and hardly feel like myself at all. The hardest part of all this is still being a good Mom to my Little Bear. As a 2 year old boy, he has so much energy and really loves my attention. I'm grateful for all the support around me, but I'm looking forward to getting my energy back up. My businesses have a...

A lot can change in just one week. I went from feeling ok, with small bouts of "morning sickness," to having all day sickness. Though I haven't been throwing up, which is progress from my pregnancy with Little Bear, I'm still feeling pretty nauseous. I'm not sure if it's because of my Diverse Ability, or just me, but any change at all in my body affects me pretty severely. Speaking of my Diverse Ability, let's talk about a few things that are a direct result of it that have come to the surface again. Last week I went to my first OB/GYN appointment for this pregnancy. All went pretty well, though we did discuss my need to limit my weight gain. All women are told to eat healthily and to try not to gain too much weight, but this is even more important for me since I have such limited physical mobility. During my first pregnancy, I gained about 35 pounds. My doctor has asked me to keep a weight gain goal of no more than 25 pounds, though she even acknowledge...

When I first started The #DiversAbleModel Project I knew I wanted it to evolve into something bigger than just fashion. I wanted the blog and the project itself to give people a place to openly share their "normal" lives. I wanted to help everyone understand that everyone is part of the #DiversAble population because we all have Diverse Abilities. I'll be honest, it's been very frustrating lately feeling like I just can't get the content that I once had, content that is genuinely impactful and has power. This may sound strange, but last night I had a dream that I documented my pregnancy journey on my blog. I woke up thinking about all the doctors that have told me how little information on pregnancy and Arthrogryposis (my Diverse Ability) there is. When I was researching the challenges I might face during my first pregnancy, I was so disappointed at the lack of information. For this reason, I'm going to do my best to be part of the solution. I...

This young man is Micah Fowler. He is an actor who debuted in the 2013 film, Labor Day. This September, Micah will be starring in the new ABC sitcom, Speechless. All I have to say is FINALLY!! Speechless is a comedy that will follow a middle-class family with strong personalities, as they move to an upper class area. There are two very exciting things about this show: 1. Micah Fowler will play a teen with cerebral palsy 2. Micah Fowler has cerebral palsy in real life That's right!! There will finally be a show featuring a real DiversAble Model. Micah hopes this show will help people grow more comfortable being around people with Diverse Abilities. He wants people too see how "normal" we are, to see that we laugh, cry, and have a great sense of humor. In an email he wrote to The Mighty , Micah states, " In real life, I live every day conquering challenges brought on by cerebral palsy. In addition to the physical challenges, one challenge I ha...